Had I not read C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed", I might not have been reminded to beware of the vain comfort many wish to exclaim.
Last night, I've received news from Facebook that Rev. David Chen has passed, on the 23rd. of cancer.
The first thought that came to my mind was what Paul had said in 1 Corinthians 5:5. That was my grief back then, that was my prayer. I would say seeing a couple of recent photos of the seemingly much older, incredibly skinny man brought some joy to me, amidst the anguish. I no longer need to call him "fat" anymore. What's more, he was wearing an old green STEMI Rally T-shirt...ah...the reminiscent of old times, what comfort to know he had no hard feelings even after quiting the organization. But then again, could my comfort be of vain value? What assurance do I have of his repentence? For all purposes, that could have been the only cloth he could find at that time. I do not want to be fooled by myself, nevertheless. I am therefore more inclined to believe in David Chen's salvation, although I will not look to those who love to say "He is with God now". For I would rather ask them, "have you ached for his fall, his weakness? or did you just dismiss them in denial?".
My fear is that I had not prayed enough for him. I was sadden long before so many of them, therefore I should have prayed harder? How then was Paul praying for Hymenaeus and Alexander?
Granted, I have not ceased my prayer for his wife, his children, but what would that justify?
I grief, but not like them. I am no better than my Lord's servants before me. I pray of my own soul, the strength for me to push through all obstacles to my God, whether they be of "good" intentions or not, may God grant me the strength and the discernment. Amen.