8/12/2025, Yes, this is my birthday. On our way to Pittsburg from Cincinnati, my wife and I had some disagreement on the definition of marriage, when the subject of some church attendees who were allegedly "unmarried" (did not go through proper legal channel) was brought up and how Pastor Chris handled it. Nadia was driving when this argument happened. I find that this is important to delve into and address it. The topic being: Does a marriage require a wedding ceremony/legal recognition/certificate?
My simple answer is, no. But at the risk of sounding like a liberal (that I am permitting everyone to have sex without a legal marital certification), the word, marriage, must be properly defined.
Marriage, from biblical term, is not wedding. Even though a marriage ceremony is essentially the same thing as wedding ceremony. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman to commit be husband and wife. A wedding is a ceremony done before a third party/person which, like a marital certificate, affirms a marriage. The true definition of marriage is not the wedding (celebration/affirmation of marriage, not marriage itself) at Cana, but in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." In a way, God was the one who officiated Adam and Eve's marriage (Genesis 2:22 "...and brought her unto the man"). Therefore, a marriage is true only in the context of holy covenantal commitment to each other before God's eyes (God's recognition/approval).
Affirmation of marriage is important. This is what a wedding/legal proceedings do. The affirmation is important as a public testimony of the covenantal vows. A true marital covenant will always result in a public affirmation, however, a public affirmation/legality is not always the result of a true marital covenant.
Therefore, the marital covenant (marriage) is to be prioritized before a public wedding/legality, not the other way around. In other words, two do not need to first go through the legalities of a wedding in order to begin a true marital relationship. Nevertheless, the law of the land, or the custom of the culture/society may require a formal legal ritual in order for the public to recognize the true marital relationship. Then let it be so (i.e. sex after LEGAL marriage), so that the public will acknowledge the marriage which was already a marriage before the acknowledgement of the public. Such is a public affirmation and celebration of the marriage. Nevertheless, the public can only determine/approve of a LEGAL marriage; God determines a TRUE marriage, which is defined by Genesis 2:24, which is free of the public's approval (Mark 10:9 "...let no man put asunder").
With the above understanding of what marriage is in mind, here is the summary:
--Should a legal marriage be a true one?
Yes, it should.
-Should a true marriage be a legal one?
Yes, it should. What God has joined as husband and wife is no secret matter, God is not a liar.
-Is a legal marriage equivalent to a true marriage?
No. Many legal marriages end in divorces.
-Is a true marriage equivalent to a legal marriage?
No. Such as different age requirements for legal marriages (e.g. You can get legally married at 15 in Mississippi but it considered illegal in New York)
-Is sex before/outside of marriage a sin?
Yes if we're talking about TRUE marriage.
Not necessarily, if we're talking about LEGAL marriage. (e.g. sinful for a 15 year old in NY but not sinful in MS; also, some states/countries require parental approval for LEGAL marriage)
-Is making a marriage legal a requirement of a true marriage?
No, because of Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:9. However, legalizing a marriage should be sought after for we are to testify what God has done before the public.
Conclusion:
A true marriage (not a legal marriage) should the basis of any discussion on marriage. A distinction between the two kinds of marriage must be clear.