I've often regret how I should not have told them about my plan for missionary work. For had they known, why would they opted me to be deacon.
I also regret taking deaconship for I was naive enough to believe Pastor Chen that he wish to "Reform" the church with me. Nay, I wouldn't blame it on the pastor. He has knowledge of the reformed theology and the heart to serve God, he has all but courage, he has the knowledge but not the conviction. I pray for his lack of faith.
But nay, it is I to be blamed. For if I had not been so proud as to think my presence is so important or my absence would affect others negatively, I wouldn't be blinded so that I could not see the truth, and God's calling.
What must be done must be done. There are certain things that just cannot be tolerated.
May God have mercy upon me. That whatever He wills for me be accomplished. For it is my hope and my prayer to God almighty, that I be used by my Lord to the fullest, with much blessings.
Bless me Lord, otherwise leave me not. Amen!
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