Finally, I can read a suicide note from an actual suicide. Not that I ever looked hard for such before.
Young Manhattan dietitian Tara Condell hanged herself after posting suicide note
She posted the note on her website, she has her own website! And here's the note, in case it gets taken down:
I Hate The Word “Bye”, But See You Later Maybe?
I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.
I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it. I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?
I’m going to miss doing NYT crosswords (I was getting really good). That one charcuterie board with taleggio AND ‘nduja. Anything Sichuan ma la, but that goes without saying. A perfect plate of carbonara (no cream!). Real true authentic street tacos. Cal-Italian cuisine. Hunan Bistro’s fried rice. The pork belly and grape mini from State Bird Provisions circa 2013. Popeye’s of course. Bambas too.
I’m also going to miss unexpected hugs. Al Green’s Simply Beautiful. Cherries in July. Tracing a sleeping eyebrow. Smoking cigarettes. The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset. That first sip of iced cold brew in sticky August. Making eye contact with people walking down the street. When songs feel like they’re speaking to your soul. Jeopardy. Saying I love you. Late night junk food binges. Shooting the shit. And especially the no-destination-in-sight long walks.
No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much please. All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.
It’s selfishly time for me to be happy and I know you can get down with that. Please try to remember me as a whole human you shared memories with and not just my final act. This is not your fault. It’s not exactly easy for me either, I’m here for you. I love you. I always have and I always will, I promise. Shikata ga’nai.
I’m coming home, Dad. Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up.
I’m really sorry mama.
Always, TLC
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And her credentials:
ABOUT ME
Tara Condell, MS, RDN, CDN is a New York City based registered dietitian nutritionist specializing in general nutrition, weight management, gastrointestinal disease, and diabetes care.
What does my credentials mean?
It means I spent way too much time and money in school, so I can legally tell you what to eat! Tara received her bachelor’s degree in dietetics from San Francisco State University. She completed her dietetic internship at James J Peters VA Medical Center and Master's of Science in Clinical Nutrition from New York University. Tara is well-versed when it comes to helping people tackle food; from working with lower socioeconomic Veterans in the Bronx to Manhattanites at Weill Cornell’s IBD Center.
Why nutrition?
I love literally everything about food - from the history, to the culture, and especially nutrition! My dad was a 'foodie' before it was considered popular and he made sure it was a focal point in all of my childhood memories. I was gnawing on chicken feet (actually a delicious dim sum dish) and went to my first Michelin starred restaurant all before the age of five. I knew I wanted to do something in the science realm (likely this stems from being the daughter of a Chinese mom and Jewish dad), and having a career in dietetics seemed to be the perfect way to blend the two together.
Tara's Affiliations Include
- Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics
- Greater New York Dietetic Association
- Chinese Americans in Nutrition and Dietetics (2015 award winner)
- Nutrition Entrepreneurs DPG (2016 award winner, current PR/Marketing Coordinator)
- Weight Management DPG