My Journal

Today marks the last week of my days serving at CCGCLI.

A lot has past, some things are learned, some things are suffered...and some are regretted.

I must learn to be stronger in decision making. Not to be effected by human relations, especially when it is God's will at hand.

I had initially wondered about continuing Sunday School teaching for at least bi-weekly, but now come to think of it, I should scrub that off as well.

I believe it is a lesson this church must learn. Then again, if they do not learn, their sole resolution would be to consider me irresponsible.

If that is so, then their doctrine has been ill-considered. For if I have given them so many notices, even years ago, taking what is being told for granted is exactly why Jesus always said: Those who have ears, let them hear. Then I cannot help them.

Of all the pastors that have been to this church, I have seen none holding firmly to God's doctrine, doctrine they have learned in Seminary. The common error being openly accepting those who wish to serve, those who are enthusiastic enough, as co-worker in Christ. Such dangerous tolerance has put Christianity in turmoil throughout history. It is not that they do not uphold God's holiness, it is the fact that they do not even wish to try, to make sure all those who come before God, come in holiness and piety. They only care about support. They do not care about the kind of support according to God's standard, as long as its support. Like an art collector who asked for a 10,000 dollar painting, but did not care about the content of the painting, as long as its a painting.

If by their enthusiasm they are invited to serve, regardless of their faith, even their beliefs, then they have open an invitation for wolves into the midst of us, I can no longer help them in this matter. 

Lord, please, please have mercy upon me. Forgive my fault in weakness towards the sweet affection of Delilah, and not Thy will. But as I am still breathing, please, make me whole and use me, from now through eternity. Amen.

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I remember a pastor once asked this, as he taught the book of Genesis, I thought he had asked to draw our attention closer to the truth, but I realized he was merely confused himself, presuming that this is one of those "unsolvable" question.  This same pastor had wondered if human spirits are actually physically measurable.

As troubled as this pastor's own faith may be, we must not lose sight of our focus on our Lord.

It is by the will of God, that we are commanded to obey Him, so that we know, He is our God, He is our Creator, His will is absolute and perfect, and that we must seek after Him. If Jesus had come immediately when Adam and Eve sinned, then I need not say more...for anyone asking this kind of question is really spoiled probably since childhood and in serious need of lessons in life.

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It is one that is truly the light of the world. Where the truly poor could say, I am truly rich, and the truly weak could say, I am truly strong.

May God have mercy, that I see such church.

Amen. 

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An immigrant from Taiwan was with our church, CCGCLI, for a year now, and seeing the ripples we're on, she tried to show the deacons and me samples of her church's program back in Taiwan and how great it is.

You see these kind of brothers and sisters a lot. Love to show off this and show off that, giving this and that advices, but when they are asked to be responsible for something or when a little needle touched the surface of their skins, they either run 3,000 miles away, or showing attitude in serving.

Yes, I have a good partial idea of how "great" my dear Esther Tu's church is. I have even a better idea of how "great" she's pretending not to be.

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So far, of course, it is merely John Chen who seems to devote himself to this church and its affair the most, among all alumni members. He was the one who consistently almost to the point of begging me to stay, privately.

Before I have used the condition of asking them to find a chess player that could defeat me, which is in fact, not a very hard request to accomplish. The Chinese immigrants here have been so blinded by material things that now they couldn't even make use of them properly. They couldn't even find people who are talented around them. How can you glorify God as a church? Typical of the Americans, who couldn't find a dignified ways to make money they had to become the greatest indebted people in the world, and donate to other nations as if it is their own hard earn money, as if it is by their own selfless choice.

Interesting enough, I realized that many of these Chinese immigrants when become U.S. citizens, they believe they have the privilege of being an American citizen when it benefits them, while considering themselves citizens of Taiwan, Hong Kong, China, etc. instead of America when America is to be blamed for certain matters. This is the type of irresponsibility that has grown in America silently.

Many of us from foreign lands have been sorrowed by this and praying hard to seek God's guidance in wisdom and mercy as to how to "help" America out of this blindness. I remember there are some who would try to postpone hatred against the American nation by telling other hating nations that muslim terrorisms that's happening aren't the solution. For the claim of such "holy war" is to wipe clean a "corrupted" nation. But the way it is going, these "corrupted" people would only leave America, and spread out all over the world, infecting everyone with their "corruption". Unless it is found a way to "permanently" ensure that all these "corrupted" people are wiped out once and for all, not allowing them a chance to escape, these kinda terrorisms should stop.

As for us, we only hope that we see God's work done here. After a long and hard prayer, I told John that they need to at least post the student fellowship activities on the advertising boards around the school by this Sunday. Or else, I will not continue to teach Sunday School or lead the choir. The chess thing seems too hard for them, for John to understand. I hope this is simpler and clearer for them, for John Chen. 

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I have spent considerable effort in rebuilding Chinese Christian Gospel Church on Long Island's library. At times, I was discouraged for I doubted the future of CCGCLI. I fear that all the effort I put will be wasted.

And while I was thinking this yesterday, I was rebuked by God. For I only see myself serving CCGCLI and not God.

I shall use all that is given me, to make this small library great. 

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