My Journal

I took a day off Tuesday, two days ago, to go to CCGCLI to finish
the library setup that I have promised. Even now, I felt it was as
though only yesterday. This verifies what I have said before: The more
things we do, the lesser time would appear.

I left for Stony
Brook in the evening, around 4, well prepared. then I walked from the
Stony Brook train station to the church at around 6pm.

While
walking on the high way, a nice car stopped by, looked like a father and
his daughter, I love Indians, always have, they asked if I needed a
ride. I would on other circumstances, but because I am finishing
listening a sermon by Dr. Samuel Ling, I told them I'm fine. I regret
not telling them why, sending them nice couple off wondering...I should
be more aware of situations around me.

When I got to the church,
there were people having quilting class, seemed to be more advanced
then what I learned in a library workshop years ago. Good thing they
didn't mind me there. I should have called first to confirm, instead I
just checked their calendar on their website which didn't indicate any
activity on Tuesdays. 

From then, around 7:30pm it took me a long
time, sorting books, labeling and rearranging. I remembered how others
suggested me to get helpers. Even when I was working on this, I was
tempted to think about it, but I cannot. I had planned to "Reform" this
library from its lousy state and I had found no one else with similar
vision. If you want things done right, you have to do it yourself. At
this stage, it is still small enough for one to handle. Since a few
months ago, I have sorted and reorganized the database so that cult
books such as Witness Lee's, Jehovah's Witnesses' and some garbage
nonsense books, are being taken out. The books on Christian Experiences, individual life witnesses are just too many. No one should add to the library simply because that book touches his life or her life. If everyone is allowed to add this book that book everytime it made them cry, our Christian Experience Section will explode. I offered Dr. Tong's Seminary
set and Tyndale Publisher's Complete Bible commentaries in Chinese,
bought from Rev. David Chen. I also added some hard to find copies of treasured missionary books and some films with church historical values from El Cid to the biography of William Wilberforce "Amazing Grace" and other apologetics materials. Now what's left incomplete is just the
database programming part, which is not really in a hurry because it is
not needed for the borrowing process, and I have already completed the
call number rules for the library, thanks to Jack's help and those who
did the initial data entry. Out of all the hard labor, I only got a
small cut on my left index finger from the scissors. Thanks be to God. Eventhough this is just a small 300 book library, it is now fully systemized, categorized and equiped with dotrinal and Bible centered readings.

When
I was done, it was already around 8 in the morning. I got home,
reorganized myself, and went to work. After that, I got home and
immediately went to bed...I tried to read one of Billy Graham's book
because I still felt a little sleepless eventhough I was incredibly
tired, but after a few lines, I just slept...for almost 12 hours. The
last time I did something similar was during my first year of college
in United States, when I worked the midnight shifts and go to classes during the day. I had one time
when I went sleepless for three whole days and nothing outside could wake me up
when I finally got to bed.

I do feel very good now, for
finally completed this mission and able to wake up fresh today for
work. I believe I have given CCGCLI the best library it could have, for
now. This is actually the heart of my desire for CCGC, yet no one truly
sees or understands it. They thought I like to lead choir because of my low level musical skills, teach Sunday
School, just because I tried my best all these years and they liked it.

The database will also be highly sophisticated with the latest programming features.

A picture of the Library below: (Left side belongs to CCC as their Consistory, Carol, suggested)

One thing I am thankful of is Dr. Tong's works in Asia. He travelled to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singapore to establish a firm pursue of doctrinal teaching in the hearts of believers there, instead of the entertainment, mindless style of worship the Americans have introduced in the late 20th century. Due to travel and wise use of time, he does not travel much to USA now. I supposed that is understandable.

May the Lordship of Christ, glory of God be known widely, Praise God, Amen. 

When the majority churches make mention of Rev. David Chen's name,
it is popular within the circle of elders and deacons, that Rev. David
Chen has committed adultery. For years, this has been haunting him and
his ministry for the Lord.

I do not believe these have sincerely
prayed for Rev. David Chen. They have shown signs of caring, yes, no
doubt, but their sincerity is to be questioned. As for the other
churches who wouldn't even consider Rev. David Chen's name in their
ministry, that I cannot blame them for they are not my problem. Because
this is not a matter of having sympathy and giving face when it comes
to serving God, it is a matter of privilege from God.

As for Rev.
David Chen's past, it has been something that has troubled me deeply,
sleepless nights, aching heart and tears. I have tried to learn what
actually happened in the past from his own mouth, but he tried to avoid
explaining. For a non-Christian, it is natural not to want to remember
mistakes in the past or trying new resolutions to cover them; however,
when Rev. David Chen refused to discuss with me in detail, there could
only mean 2 things:

1. That he has not yet truly repented of it.

2. That he thinks that I am not qualified to ask him this question.

Comparing
these two, I would put number 2 as the most probable reason, since when
all odds are even, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt.

The
reason I wish to get to the bottom of this is because after observing
his serving and understanding him, I do not think the crime fits his
motive. Yet, there was this huge gossips and the fact that he himself
admitted of this behavior some 20 years ago and had went through
counselling, etc.

This is also why I have angered myself against
Christian psychology today. I believe the office of psychiatry is the
second most irresponsible occupation in the world, after today's
meteorology.

Personally, I do not think Rev. David Chen has
committed adultery at any time. His admitting so is more likely the
ignorance of another greater matter. And since the other counsellors
cannot find out the cause due to lack of theological study, not knowing
the true state of man before God, they prescribed a medicine as long as
it is a harmless medicine and being paid for.

There is a certain scrutiny upon one's knowledge of God's calling. Hence, a popular illustration: Of a man who waited on his roof top for God to rescue him as the flood had leveled above his doors and windows. when a boat came to rescue him, he refused because he was sure that God will help him, then came a helicopter, he also refused, in the end he was drowned and faced God, asking God why He didn't rescue him. God told him that he has already sent him a boat and a helicopter to resue him.

True, we often wish to expect something out of the ordinary to be considered as God's will. The truth is God has always been working through people, through historical events. We need to use all available resources around us, truthfully, righteously and diligently.

However, many Christians today, especially those who love prosperity theology, consider all inpouring of money as God's blessing, all inflow of support as a sign of God's will, and used the story above to prove to those who refused these support. I only have one question: What if...the man realized that the boat has a leak and that the helicopter was short on fuel...and what if the flood never rose beyond the roof, who stood better chance of not drowning? 

There are those who do not wish to point out if a certain matter is sinful. They would rather that to be proven as time passed. However, when they themselves are presented the option to choose such matter into their own lifestyles, they seem to know enough about it.

Now, their excuse is: We don't judge, God is the judge.

My challenge is: Is it really because we leave it to God to judge (eventhough the Bible clearly indicates that God has already judged so that we still have the opportunity to repent before the final judgment), or because we are in our corruptable state, too coward to judge, too chicken to stand up for the truth, for Christ.  Too coward because we are afraid what others might think of us, too coward because we are too afraid to face the sin of losing our temper.

I would love to challenge them to name what judgment they think I made that should be left to God alone.

Nonetheless, God uses all kind of servants to build upon the foundation that is Christ. No matter how bold we are, we must restrict our bravery within the belt of truth.

It seems that many preachers and pastors in America depend God's will strongly on the nice responses from others.  So strongly that they refuse to acknowledge what they have between their individual selves and God. It is as though, persecution is not possible, rejection from others cannot be part of God's plan, unless it seems to be the only way out for them. But as soon as worldly comfort presents an opportunity for them to "serve" God in a more satisfactory environment, they are willing to tolerate anything.

One must seek to know what God desires one in His will, and work diligently for that, for the Lord, not for men, despite hardships and trials. So one either truly know God's will or one should rather know not to act rashly. 

There are two kinds of people who love mercy.

1. Those who love it because it is the will of God.

2. Those who love it because it makes them feel good. From this springs forth pride, from pride springs forth jealousy, from jealousy springs forth hate, from hate springs forth hypocrisy.