My Journal

Since I joined the Chinese Christian Gospel Church of Long Island in the mid of year 2001, I have seen the pain and suffering as well as joy and delight that this church went through. It is the first Chinese church I have joined since I came to United States since 1997. I have seen enough of American churches, I told myself, and it was time to look back at my root.

I was reminded how much more caring and loving churches with Chinese cultural background were...At least CCGCLI is one of them. Because family value in the Chinese culture has a deeper, more sacred sense than the western culture, it made me felt right at home.  It is no wonder why so many western missionaries wish to go back to live in China for their final years, for the Chinese have a deeper sense of respecting the elders.

As my years in CCGCLI grew, I learned about selfless sacrificing for the Lord from Rev. Serena Lin. Her spirit and God given strength in serving God in student ministry in the condition where she had to raise her two children all by herself was amazingly touching, for she far exceeded those of Chinese male pastors I've seen in this area.

Unfortunately, the past had caught up with this church. Our church was original a bigger church several years before my arrival which later split after dissensions on financial matter and particularly, the questioning of a female pastor replacement, as it is against the principle of the Southern Baptist Convention. We must always abide by the authoritative policy and regulations of the church we serve in. This is also when Rev. Serena's husband left the family leaving the children behind for her.

Ever since I've heard of the history of our church, I have thought long and hard about what has happened. I have to admit, Rev. Serena Lin's servitude for the Lord has ripped many good fruits. She has truly sacrificed her life and energy for the Chinese students at Stony Brook University. However, I realized something that she would never be able to teach: that wives should submit to their husbands. As unaggressive as she has been, she has held the infamous doctrine where "a wife is a husband's neck", a rebellious response against the doctrine of "husband is the head of the wife". This is a doctrine where so many scholars have mistaken as inferiority of women towards men, that they tried so many fallible interpretation of this verse, as if they respected women "more than" the authors of the Bible.

As time passed, some deacon began to complain about Rev. Serena's serving not meeting the need of the whole church but only the students. Gossips began to sneak through undeserving ears behind the back of the whole congregation. By the time Rev. Lin's daughter graduated high school, she has finally decided to leave this church. But I could see, she left with great burden for the students here. The whole congregation took the news of her move with great sadness.

Since then, we have been unable to search for a steady pastors. For it is of great burden to pastor a church and serve in the student ministry at the same time, not to mention low salary.

During these times, at the beginning of 2004, I have moved to the city in Queens, working full time as an office boy at Pinnacle, a private construction and plumbing firm. Nevertheless, my love for this church has kept my present at CCGCLI until 2008, trying my very best to "imitate" what I have learned from Rev. Serena Lin in terms of sacrifice, caring and love. One may call it, a study, a research, as it had always been my habit to try and imitate the best from others, a habit that was also my curse. It was a time I started to seriously examine my life, my future before God, it was the beginning of my poorest and most independent moment. The years 2004 and 2005, were the years I had the wonderful opportunity to actually apply and attend Rev. Stephen Tong's Summer Seminary courses from my own pocket. Of course, I knew, that there will be a time when I will leave CCGCLI. Since I am not a U.S. citizen, I have the right not to stay in this country for good. Hence, my servitude here is not bounded by my duty as a patriotic citizen of America, but of a citizen of Earth. It is therefore a shame, if there cannot be found an American citizen in America to do God's work properly that it needs someone from Malaysia. I'm not bragging myself, but crying for this nation.

Of all the replacement pastors at CCGCLI, Rev. Chen Chi and Rev. David Chen (陳鋒卿牧師), stayed the longest. The church had been so desperately seeking for a pastor which is shockingly in short of among the Chinese community in America, that it has become so lenient that as long as the pastor is who is graduated from an orthodox seminary school and willing to stay, he is approved despite the seriousness of his theological standpoint, marital problems and vision. Unfortunately, it was later discovered that Rev. Chen Chi's doctrine was seriously flawed especially in the matter of God's calling, as he did not believe that he needed God's calling to be a pastor, just his ambition. When this became a great issue among other problems, such as hinting that since God is so forgiving, homosexuals could serve in churches, we are allowed to wish evil on others, gambling is okay, etc, he left.

Then came Rev. David Chen, 陳鋒卿牧師, who has great passion for the students, contrary to Rev. Chi. Unfortunately, even though knowing that we should seek after God's favor alone, Rev. Chen's love for worldly praises have greatly blinded him from that which is firm doctrine which I doubt not that he was very familiar with. I believe this was also the cause of his great failure in the past as he was accused of adulterous behavior during counseling with a female student some couple decades ago. Although under the affirmation of his mentor and friend that he has repented before he came to this church, there began rumors of his repeating sin at this church within a year. I do not believe that it was because of lust of flesh as others would like to wonder, but because of his anthropocentric unwillingness to stand firm on God's doctrine that allowed Satan to have such stronghold on him. It is unfortunate, for I see such great gift in him.

Since Rev. David Chen's arrival at this church, knowing that I have decided it is time that I focus my worship in the city where I live, he has tried numerous methods to make me stay, getting me on deacon board, beauty trap, and telling me that if I go, he'll also go. It was the latter scheme he used that is most disturbing. As innocent as it could be a joke, this is no laughing matter when this is being treated numerous times on me and on others as a method of persuasion from a pastor. We cannot fool around with the holy role of duty that the Holy Spirit has bestowed upon us. He therefore requested that the church which is a congregational church to decide as early as 2 months ahead of time before his 1-year contract as temporary pastor, that whether or not he should continue as a permanent senior pastor. Even though he has admitted that he has not been serving well these months and that he cleverly promised that he is willing to "examine himself" and stay at this church, The result came out short of 1 vote for him. As a reformer, it is not in my habit to simply vote against a pastor. I had hoped that he would truly keep his word and have the opportunity to continue to serve God here. Under great dismay of the outcome of the vote, I emailed to my mentor Rev. Stephen Tong at his church in Indonesia, since Rev. David Chen had once worked at STEMI, founded by Rev. Tong. I was reminded by his response, relayed by Dr. Jahja Ling, chief executive officer of STEMI in America, that this could be the will of the Holy Spirit that CCGCLI should not continue with Rev. Chen in this direction. We must impartially respect every vote since this is the system we use, which is also another reminder that I should leave this church due to wise-use of time and energy which I believe that I have spent considerably enough for this church, and also because I follow the administrative principles of the reformed church (Of all my years of service in this congregational church, I have never impose or emphasis my reformed administrative principles against the administrative constitution of this church, for it is unethical). I also tried to take the advice from Dr. Ling's email that since there are many who are sadden by the result of the poll perhaps the church could discuss and come to a mutual agreement with Rev. Chen pertaining to his continuation here. Unfortunately, Rev. Chen rather insisted that there be a recount of the vote. I had great dissension with him privately on the phone regarding this unethical matter. When we play a game of chess, the term "touch move" is called "起手不回": "Never break a deal once it's made". We must be responsible for every action we take. I later also found out that his departure from STEMI wasn't because of his health as he told us (as it became apparent that even without traveling around the world with STEMI, he still loves to eat whatever he pleases against doctor's prescription on his diabetes), but because Rev. Tong wouldn't let him manipulate the financial budgets irrationally, as I have also noticed this during deacon meetings when subjects pertaining to finance were brought up. I realize he loves to take out church funds and savings that are in the long run or seem to have no obvious consequences to satisfy anthropocentric and selfish results such as for gospel camps and evangelical meetings he's invited as guest speaker to, or some of his friends' medical need or to satisfy the dues of books he has over ordered (he also runs his own private Chinese Christian book sales), and so on. And when the student fellowship faces financial liabilities, he said that he does not involve himself in financial matters. I find that his motive of handling of financial matters is very crooked.

I therefore conclude, that it is by his uncertainty of his vision here and toying around with the gift of the Holy Spirit, manipulating God's blessing to his own desire, that his serving here has been rejected by the body of Christ, which is headed by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. That it is the will of the Holy Spirit that he should not serve here. As for the CCGCLI church, many wished him stay, since the vote needed 2/3 of total poll for him to continue as a permanent senior pastor instead of a 1-year temporary pastor, and he's only short 1 vote. It is apparent that Rev. Chen is one who loves to save his face. When some members are leaving the church, which is common in CCGCLI because it is located in a remote area and its main ministry is student ministry where when students graduated, they usually moved back home, to the city or other states, Rev. Chen couldn't stand to be a pastor who loses his flock and therefore voiced numerous times that he felt that this is not his vision and urged John to let him know a few months ahead whether the CHURCH WANTS HIM to continue staying or not. If Rev. Chen is a true servant of God, why is he so afraid of the church's decision in this matter? Does he not know his flock after all this time? Does his faith lie in God or fate? John Chen, current president of the deacon board, has been serving in this church way longer than I. I greatly admire his love and care for this church and even for the students. He has to take criticisms from many for firmly doing what's right before God. Many of those who criticize put way less effort in serving than John. I pray that God will keep him strong, and guide him so that he continues to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I thank God for such responsible servant of my Lord. Many assumed that it was John who wanted to kick out 陳鋒卿牧師, but this is not the case here. The voting was legit, everyone was aware of the voting system, no one complained before the result was out, not even Pastor Chen, even after the vote, the system is still in no way deceptive. Pastor Chen obviously wanted to hide his "failure" to obtain enough vote when I called him up on the phone hoping that we, the church could all have a meeting and discuss about having Pastor Chen to stay, at least for a little while longer, because he had given a speech before the vote acknowledging that he knew he didn't do well and noted that he was intending to stay promising that he will change. But I was surprised that he did not wish to discuss about letting him stay but rather he wanted the vote to be recounted. I reminded him that similar situation has happened in the presidential election, the Florida Recount of year 2000, and the Supreme Court stopped the recount calling it "Unconstitutional". I told him that to ask for a recount so irresponsibly is not only unethical but a joke. He was so surprised at my remark as if he also wanted the Florida Recount to happen, but I believe that there's no need to ask him about this because if this is so, then he should even be ashamed to call himself a U.S. citizen. I told him that we must all be responsible to our action, if we have problem with the voting system after votes have been cast, we can have meetings and discuss it for future benefit. To disrespect even a single vote and ask for recount when the result doesn't agree with you, such is unethical because all of us were clear about the system and were responsible at the time we are voting. And that since so many members wished him stay, why is it so hard to just sit down and talk with the church? This shows that he is only willing to admit his failure when doing so makes him look great, honest, humble. But when he has a chance at leaving this church by blaming on others, he quickly used it. Because if he stayed...he wasn't sure if he could make it, and if he leave on his own, people would say that he's afraid of challenges.

By blaming that it is the church's decision that he left, insisting on a recount and ignore any further discussion, and consequently allowing others to blame it on John, Rev. David Chen has saved his own precious face. I pray God will bestow great strength and wisdom upon John Chen for having to take Rev. David Chen's crap. As for Rev. David Chen, I could only pray for God's mercy upon him. I also pray for his family and children. Rev. Chen Chi has married twice, but I find its God's grace that Rev. David Chen's marriage has not fallen apart since his past event. After knowing him this much, I greatly admire his wife's faithfulness and piety in the Lord, even though I know not his wife all that well for his house is in Pennsylvania. Therefore, it is mandatory, should Rev. David Chen want to counsel, advise any kind of man-woman relationship, he should first mend his own marriage. I am sorrowed by Rev. Chen's having to move from church to church outside of Pennsylvania where he's banned from pastoring since his fall.

Even before such great disturbance, I have observed the degradation of faith in America since after the first few months of my arrival in this country. We have all sinned, we have all fallen, but because Christ's blood has purify our souls, Christ sacrifice has made us new, we must actively keep ourselves holy and serve God.

Where is the respect of men of God in this nation? Why do churches throw away their true authority in this country? Where is the fear of God amongst the believers? Where is the Gospel that is not controlled by greed, nor by human emotions, nor by hypocrisy, nor by Babel peace? Where is the nation that repents? Where is the leader who seeks after God? Where is Jonah who followed God's will in foreign land?

Lord, if it be Thy will, I am willing to give it all. And if it not be Thy will, that I should give it all, then I shall do what is measured for me, even to marry and bring my family to you, faithfully. Nonetheless, I pray that it is Thy will that I fear no death, nor loneliness, and be firm upon the Cornerstone, for Thou art with me, forever.

Amen.

It is my rather limited observation that I find the chinese churches in America cannot grow in maturity in the Spirit. This is due to Chinese immigrants seeking comfortable lives in this country. When these include Chinese pastors and such, then it is hard, to truly appreciate the quality of suffering hardship mentioned in the Bible. It has become a foolish quality to them. They have interpreted persecutions and hardship for the Lord as going to work during weekdays, having to listen to people like me, mowing the lawns in their backyards, organizing events.

However, most of such pastors I have observed are immigrants from Taiwan. I have little experience on pastors from Mainland China, or even American born ones.  This is why, I will be delight at the opportunity to actually visit these churches after my service at CCGCLI has ended at the end of this month. After my analysis of churches, if God calls, my mission for my Lord will begin, otherwise, I shall worship at my local English reformed church.

Many Chinese, especially the younger generation who can speak English well in this nation prefer attending English speaking churches, not just because of the English background they grew up in. But because of the culture. The messages of the sermons. Many Chinese immigrated pastors here love quantity, they are emotionally affected by the quantity of congregations, they love to follow successes of others instead of having their own firm standpoint from studying the word of God and seeking after what our Lord's will for them is. They have considered their success in immigrating to the U.S. as the basis of God's blessing for them and therefore they shouldn't put themselves in any difficult hardship while serving. If they have a chance to escape, they will use their creative minds which were given to serve God in wisdom, to find the best "legal" way to escape and call it God's will, God's guidance, God's direction, God's blessing upon a successful escape from their responsibility, because they have not come to U.S.A. to suffer.

Today at lunch, one of my church's sister mentioned that she and her husband wish to attend an English church as well. Which made me wonder about the differences between Chinese churches and American Churches here. 

I had thought initially to service non-Chinese speaking crowd in my mission because I find that it is almost impossible to preach to the Chinese immigrants here as what they are interested in are money and fame. Such decision has haunted me numerous times. For many Chinese, the definition of having better life means making more money. Unlike some of the other cultures I have seen whose immigrants' definition of better life in America means having a comfortable and loving family and friends, regardless of financial status. By this understanding, I can tell what kind of job you would see a Chinese immigrant prefer contrasting to what a Hispanic immigrant would accept. 

From certain standpoint, I would have to say I admire the motivation of Chinese immigrants here. However, I cannot say the same for their greed. 

Because of this, I find myself having more respect for immigrants who aren't Chinese when I have the opportunity to compare, despite the fact that there are very humble Chinese immigrants who seek a simple life here.

Nonetheless, after the brief lunch today, I find myself deeply reconsidering the target of my mission. Serving the Chinese community in America seems harder than other races. As a Chinese, this is not something I should ignore lightly. I must be aware, not to be used by anthropocentric support and pastors and churches who love prosperity theology, lest the Glory of God be stolen by them ignorantly.

I pray that God will lead me a holy life, keep me clean and pure, give me strength, courage and wisdom,  bless me with His will and rebuke and leave me not. That I may proclaim, the glory of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

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