My Journal

When you're down, when you're lonely, where do you think you are?

Struggling and pretending to grab or replace that which had been seemingly taken from you,

or giving up EVEN life itself?

A communion with friends and loved ones is no more than a timed happiness, but a communion with them under the grace and mercy of God is a true blessing indeed. For who else is the TRUE expert on Eternity?

So stop running,

have no fear...God is here!

Where do you think you are now?

Oh Timothy, Timothy, you have come this far, it is not because you are any good but because of the grace of God. Should you have any slightest of pride, may God rebuke you with such great lightning and thunder that you'll go deaf and blind until you repent. For it is better to be struck and remain in the Lord than to be given all the satisfactions of this world and not even realizing that you've been disowned by God.

Dear Lord, do not leave me unless you've blessed me.
Amen.

[@more@]

It is certain that I'll leave this country. Only because I have no reason to stay. God has shown me what I needed to see. Things that I don't need to come to America to see. But I came anyway, yet God showed me still, because of His mercy upon me.

If I stay, whatever I do, even God's work, would only make me a entrepreneurial businessman, a successful one, happy, surrounded by caring and loving family. Businessman? Never was my dream. Surrounded by happy family? Yes. I wanted a researcher's life too. A scientist, with a love and caring family. A christian one. In fact, I wanted to do everything that came to mind, in addition to anything God has commanded me since youth. "No one can do everything, no one can learn everything", my father once warned me when I was perhaps under 10. I was so eager to learn and gain the source of everything that I failed to see my own pride. I wanted all knowledge, not money, but the knowledge and power of obtaining money. I never had interest in money, only the interest of having anything I need at a snap of my fingers. The phrase "Knowledge is Power" had sunken me into oblivion with pride. My mother had once given me to God since my birth. What lies ahead I do not know. But I have come this far under His grace, how could I resist? There are enough of His servants here and they like it here. Many still will come. My calling has been to those who dare not preach. Even since I was young. I have no pride in this, for I am neither looking for a highway suicide. But perhaps the path that God lays ahead for me is something far worse than a suicide mission, yet such cross will be my glory, forever and ever.

[@more@]

When you failed God, repent. Grab God, don't sin anymore.[@more@]