My Journal

Yesterday after church, during lunch, I was handed (indirectly - probably ordered by the pastor) an envelop with my name and "STEMI" with $10 note.

I had previously told  the pastor that I cannot except anything when she was going to give me a lot more than that a while back. Not only because we did not settle on such agreement (that I was commanded by her to co-work, where I cannot disobey any order), but I had also not made any offering to the rally yet.

I had read the Hudson Taylor autobiography "To China with Love" where he described an incident during the founding of the China Inland Mission (CIM). I admired him when one time, in England, he was invited to deliver a sermon/message in a village and he had made the host agreed and printed in the brochure that no giving of any kind must be made (people, especially the rich ones cannot just be thinking about money giving to satisfy their spiritual duty). The consequence was as expected, some still gave ignoring the statement and the host later argued with him about that after his talk despite what had agreed upon earlier. But what was troubling me was that when the host came back to him the next day telling him how he had learned something about Taylor's principle, he himself wrote a check of 500 and said this is all he could do. Taylor received it and all that have been collected the previous night. True, he had learned the lesson and proven a point with his check; however, I believe Taylor could still hold to his principle. At one point I even wondered if the host was doing all that just to clear his guilt and burden to unload all the money that was given him the night before. After all, one should not break one's promise or take full responsibility without swaying the other party's decision.

I do believe Hudson Taylor was strong in principle. Perhaps at times, we are too easily troubled by one's persistence that it weakens our principles.

I wasn't sure of that until yesterday. When I decided to walk to the garbage can with my finished cup, tore the envelop with the bill in it into halves and dumped it. The bill was harder to tear, interestingly, so it was quite obviously displayed, not my intention, but I see no need to hide it. I doubt anybody saw it, but if anything, if they look at the garbage can careful enough, they would see the torn bill with my name on it. Perhaps they did and kept quiet. I wish they did, those who are involved. But no matter. My only regret is that I should have done such immediately instead of waiting for finishing my tea and some laptop work, because no one, if any, would have been given the slightest hint that I accepted the envelop.

One may think I find $10 too small an amount and got angry. Had they found out and confronted me, I would have replied: "You should thank God that it is only $10, otherwise, it would be a larger waste and a shame".

Of course, I would also expect some self-righteous jealous type to quote Title 18, Section 333 of the United States Code.  Let them. Because if I had done anything else, there is no lesson, there is no price paid for it. More "human" money will be spent, I can obey the law and pay the fine, imprisonment if necessary. But my Lord, my sole provider, has unlimited riches.

To the heavens, my conscience is clear. I served the Lord with all, I recognized his servant Dr. Tong, I obeyed those in Moses' seat, I do not associate myself with the fake preachers.

I do this to make a stand on principle. After that, charity is the next move, according to wisdom. To tear, to show disassociation of myself from them, to give to charity to show wisdom.